Category Archives: Battle of the Superheroes

Battle of Brighton

Battle of the Superheroes: Brighton

Heat One

So, Friday 29th May. The time 19:00 , the place the Quadrant in Brighton.

I am to compete in the Star Trek arena that is the superhero battle show. The audience the court of geek.

If you have never seen the show the premise is simple. 3 acts choose their best superhero to state their case and show how righteous they are. There is a short recess from the opening arguments where the audience are tested and then ask questions of them. Then it comes to the final where all the heroes stand up in front of the court and win via round of applause.

Now this is a multiverse competition, heroes from any publisher and medium are welcome. I had played the role Uatu in a number of the challenges in Edinburgh . I had tried to avoid doing this competition as it’s not really my thing, but the continual derision and comments about how I could be a judge without ever being a contestant was growing. Personally I feel that like when acts complain that reviewers are scum because they never did a gig but, mob rules in this world.
So I needed to win this, and win it with a character that would be so obscure, but not too obscure, so I chose Rom: Spaceknight.

Admittedly I felt Rom would not be that obscure because Andrew had already won with him once, and it also heightened the tension as if he succeeded where I had failed I would be relegated to the zone of continued with the Primark poseurs of comic books for thinking I could judge.

So With 40 odd issues of Rom comics, bagged and boarded in my hand I set off on my epic voyage.
I would be competing against Rik Carranza who was bringing ‘Batman’ and Ant McEwan who would be bringing ‘Ant-Man’ two movie deal bastards against my simple rubber toy.

Paul Revill was MC and thus the adventure begins;

PART THE FIRST.
Paul started the show with his high energy ways, I had gotten my bag ready of ROM but I came overloaded. Paul asked a few questions and established this was a bunch of cinematic universe goers, although he did not notice the reference to David Hasselhoff one true believer threw in as the best Nick Fury ever.

I walked onto the stage with a Forbidden Planet bag in hand and started. I pulled out bagged and boarded ROMs to what I was hoping to be gasps of surprise.
No, they seemed scared and confused. I had overblown them by actually talking about comics. Then when trying to explain Rom and his work I slowly realised when explaining dire wraiths as a form of SKRULL. They did not know what SKRULLS were. I bleakly started just showing them covers to bring back the room with some vigour, even misnoticing one lead villain as Absorbing Man in my haste.
I left the stage tepid, and feared the future of the Spaceknight.

Then Rik ‘The Kid’ Carranza walked on, shouted ‘I’m Batman’ did a mic drop and walked off. This alone could have won it for him. He went on to espouse everything people like about Batman and even a few things they don’t, particularly his lack of keeping sidekicks alive. He even threw in real stories not just movies to prove himself. Although it was as he mentioned ‘Tower of Babel’ I knew that could be his undoing.

Ant McEwan , who did pop in and had only knew a little as he came in as a substitute. Ant-Man is never to be underestimated though and Ants own charm gave him more then a small chance of putting me in third place.

I knew I would have to work hard in the debate but before that came the audience quiz. Time for me to regroup my best covers of Rom and watch what happened.

PART THE SECOND.
More an intermission then an Interval as Paul started to test the crowd on their knowledge of comics. Name a few places, name a few films. But the best was three randoms who came up and each declaring a special ability , two guys who said “getting a round in” and “catching the bus” respectively and one lady who claimed her super power was “her chest”.

Unfortunately her chest was deflated after the opening heat question, name five black superheroes.
She could not think of one, came off stage, thought of one, then came back said Storm, then fluffed the 2nd round. It almost went wrong when one of the contestants said Green Lantern and Paul did not know that there were black Green Lanterns. Technically speaking they’re all green but you get the drift.

But after this interval of distraction trinkets we moved on to the bit I had to do my best for the legacy of all Spaceknights. The debate.

PART THE THIRD: ROMS REVENGE.

So it begins. We each talk a bit more about our characters. Batman pointed out I began as a toy, claiming I was a cheap 70’s rampant rabbit. I countered after he banged on about the charity work of the Wayne Foundation that Batman was the Jimmy Savile of superheroes given the abuse of the Ward’s. Ant-Man tried to say he does “like good stuff and that” to which I said “like beating your wife”. Things got tense and harsh and the questions required us to give a manifesto. I pulled out all the stops, name checking Bill Mantlo, saying if you don’t like toys you don’t like proper Transformers. And even when Paul thought it was getting too heated pointing out the strength of the other contenders. It was an even race until Batman pulled out a Rom replant water pistol and blasted me. Imagine Batman reduced to using a gun. I ignored it and went on with dignity but it was now in the hands of the mob.

PART THE FOURTH.

Applause came for Batman and Ant-Man, then it got to me….I WON! Well I say me, ROM won! By a clear margin, I was delighted, vindicated and happy I would never have to deal with the question about would I win. I DID

It was a delight and the never ending battle continues for Rom, not in movies, not in key chains, but simply, in comics.

The best place of them all!

The end

 

Rob Deb

 

Heat Two

 

After its Australian escapades Battle of Superheroes returned to UK shores, specifically to the Brighton Fringe. And in a room above a small pub in Brighton, the comic book universe would be rocked by an upset of oceanic proportions.

With regular show host Nik Coppin galavanting on the other side of the world, it was left to Robyn Perkins to host the proceedings. Yet despite her criminal lack of superhero knowledge, she ably guided the audience and two new acts through the debate.

The two newbies were James Bennison representing Hawkeye and Kahn Johnson representing Daredevil. Completing the line up was me, the perennial loser, yet to record a single victory in countless attempts. If this was to change I would clearly have to up my game but, always up for a challenge, and yet almost already conceding defeat, I opted to represent the joke of the comic universe. Yes, I decided to represent Aquaman.

Surely two characters from the more popular Marvel universe. Two characters who were popular in the mainstream thanks to the Avengers movies and the new Daredevil series. Surely these two would have no problem against a character whos main weakness is dehydration.

Despite their attempts to play the disability card, with Daredevil’s blindness and Hawkeye’s deafness, both of them fell to the ruler of the sea, whose only weapon on the day was a Poundland bought water pistol.

All that was left was for me to question why did Brighton vote for Aquaman to win that night when 24 hours previously they had voted for ROM Spaceknight over the Dark Knight himself. The answer was quickly provided by Kahn Johnson, Brightons by the sea isnt it.

Rik Carranza

Heat 3

Sadly, do to the absence of a hero having to pull out at the last minute due to personal issues, heat 3 could not take place.

Therefore, Rob Deb’s Rom and Rik Carranza’s Aquaman may be invited back in September, along with the winner or the Edinburgh season to do battle with each other for the brighton crown.

Watch this space!

Nik Coppin

Cool Melbourne Battle

And so it goes that the Battle of the Superheroes road train crosses yet another state line from South Australia into Victoria.
Enter the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
The 120-capacity venue was never full, but it wasn’t anywhere near as hot as Perth and Adelaide. A much cooler affair indeed.  The weather in Melbourne is much cooler and changeable at this time of year. At every time of year actually. Don’t let anybody from Melbourne tell you that their weather is all sunshine and unicorns. It isn’t.

Anyway, to business.
With Micah Higbed’s Hulk, Angus Hodge’s Beast, Jon Bennett’s Teen Wolf and Kaiser Seizure’s Lobo all taking the first four heats, we were looking at a rather scary and monstrous final indeed.
Yes, these angry and hairy characters swept aside big guns like Captain America, The Punisher, Daredevil and even Adelaide on-the-night Champion the Human Torch to get to the Grand Final.
It wasn’t until previous two-time finalist Superman, represented by Canadian Eric Arsenault put down a challenge from Bananaman (yep, we always get one) and Dick Grayson that we finally had a clean-cut heat winner.
The penultimate heat – aptly billed as the ‘Battle of the Big Guns’ – saw Marvel’s biggest, The Amazing Spider-Man, represented by John Burgos make it to his second final by taking down DC’s biggest, the Caped Crusader, Batman, represented in disturbing black mask and tights by Edinburgh season co-compere Jamie McCarney.
Deadpool represented by Aiden Pyne made up the numbers in that mighty heat with silly stories of shooting Spider-Man in the face and killing him (ridiculous if entertaining comic book that was) as well as  trying to garner the sympathy vote by claiming his character has cancer. Very low indeed. Low low low.
The final heat proved to be probably the most colourful of them all, with Andrew Roper donning Iron Man T-shirt and helmet, and Lisa Fineberg turning up in full She-Ra costume.
It was reasonably close between the two, but Iron Man proved to be just too strong for the impressive She-Ra. This colourful heat would have also been graced by another of Marvel’s big guns, Wolverine, but Tim Motley dropped out due to sickness.
So much for the famed fast healing powers of said X-Man hero! A last-minute replacement of Groot barely scratched the surface of his two bright and marvelous competitors.
So the Grand Final line-up was thus:
Micah Higbed – Hulk
Angus Hodge – Beast
Jon Bennett – Teen Wolf
Eric Arsenault – Superman
John Burgos – Spider-Man
As with Adelaide, you will notice an absentee from the line-up. That indeed was Andrew Roper’s Iron Man, who had to get his red boots on and fly back to the Gold Coast.
Still, five proved to be more than enough for a fantastic Grand Final, which saw Eric Arseneault do as the excellent Lisa Fineberg had done and turn out in full Superman costume. This was not enough to take the Melbourne title however. After a humdinger of a final laced with many laughs and powerful arguments the winner was John Burgos representing The Amazing Spider-Man!
I do need to add for those asking the question – as they did at the time – that I in no way influenced the outcome. Just making that clear.
However, I can’t lie and say I didn’t have a massive cheer on the inside when the votes came in, but verily, ’twas an impassioned, funny and knowledgeable stand-up set and interactive debate that saw Mr Burgos take the honours quite convincingly. And he didn’t even need to try and to blind Superman with silly string to do it.
The highlight of the final and probably funniest moment was where Eric’s Superman got stuck on a question from the audience about why he is susceptible to the radiation of Kryptonite. Stumbling over his words and just about to be jumped on by the audience and his fellow finalists, John Burgos weighed in with “Don’t worry Superman, I got this”, and proceeded to ‘scientifically’ explain why it is that Superman can be killed by rocks from his very own home planet.
Thereby very magnanimously and hilariously helping himself towards the honour of being Melbourne’s champion in an audience vote that really left it in no doubt who the winner should be.
Nik Coppin

 

Adelaide Heat

So after a hugely successful run in Perth, the Battle of the Superheroes road train sweeps across the state line from Western Australia into Adelaide, South Australia.

And with it, brings a degree of controversy!
The 50-seater Red Room at the Austral pub on Rundle Street provided a much more intimate setting for a week of superhero battles. The venue was just as warm as Perth though, I can assure you.
That heat rose when the Human Torch represented by Canada’s Evan Desmerais claimed the Adelaide title. But the true drama was yet to unfold.
The Grand Final line-up looked like this:
Evan Desmarais – The Human Torch
Sameena Zehra – Priya
Dave Bloustien – She-Hulk
Nik Coppin – The Silver Surfer
There were actually five heats, but despite smashing the opening heat with Super Gran, Scottish comedian Bruce Fummey could not make the Grand Final. Verily, this was a shame because people had turned up to see him/her in more action. Still, that’s the way things are.
It was probably for the best, because Bruce is a pretty big guy and the stage was pretty small. Five comedians, one of which being a huge mixed-race Scot, would probably have been too much.
You may also have noticed that Yours Truly was representing the Silver Surfer in the final. This was an extremely abnormal situation to take place. However, it came about because we needed one more comedian to represent a superhero on the Friday but one never became available.
Therefore, the executive decision for me to leave Andrew Roper compering alone whilst I took up the mantle of representing one of my favourite superheroes was made.
But surely you would choose Spider-Man? I hear you all ask.
You are, of course, correct. I would have chosen your friendly neighbourhood web-shooting wallcrawler, but alas, Evan Desmerais had already chosen him for this heat a few days previously. I therefore had the unenviable task of taking on and trying to defeat my all-time favourite superhero, Spider-Man.
Not something I was relishing, I can assure you. But on the plus side, given the only other competition was from Rik Carranza and Groot, it was really a battle between The Silver Surfer and Spider-Man. Therefore, if I lose as the The Silver Surfer, Spider-Man wins. If Spider-Man loses, then I have a victory and progress to the Grand Final. Win-win.
As you can see from the final line-up, I did in fact cosmically blast Evan Desmarais’ Spider-Man out of the penultimate heat.
But Evan was in the final? I hear you ask too.
Yes, due to needing another act for the final heat, Evan decided to do the Human Torch. He did originally ask if he could do Jesus Christ, but we felt that given there was already an obscure hero in the form of Jon Bennett doing Teen Wolf again in that particular heat, he’d better do somebody else.
He won with the Torch and exacted his revenge in the final by tripping Yours Truly up when asking a question about the Silver Surfer using his surfboard to do ironing. A slightly misplaced and ill-timed answer surrounding feminism gave Sameena Zehra the perfect opportunity to jump in about feminist issues. This put a massive dent in the Surfers chances of victory and as such the Human Torch took the honours on the night, with Priya a close second.
And now for the controversy!
A couple of days after the Grand Final took place, Evan actually admitted that the clearly over-excited compere Andrew Roper had fed him the line about the Silver Surfer and the ironing board. Two previous requests in Perth to stop helping contestants as compere meant that a panel discussed what should happen in the wake of such a revelation.
The panel decided that had he not been fed the line that led to the downfall of the Silver Surfer the Human Torch would probably not have won and therefore should be stripped of his title and the honours should go to Priya who was voted second on the night. A sad and dark day for the Battle of the Superheroes show in Adelaide, but a decision that had to be made. The comedians/superheroes must stand alone and fight their case. Whilst fun and comedy must be the biggest factors in the show, rules are rules and must be upheld for good of the human race. Or, well, for the show at least.
A controversial, yet eventful season in Adelaide. Next up, the Melbourne International Comedy Festival…
Nik Coppin

A Perth-ect Debut

And so the Battle of the Superheroes show makes its debut 10,000 miles away in Australia. At Perth Fringeworld to be precise.
Geeky comedians gathered in a 250-capacity roasting hot venue to duke it out. The Circus Theatre in Perth’s Cultural Centre on Northbridge proved to be an amazing setting that was pretty full for most heats. It was never entirely packed, but for a 6pm slot a total sell-out would be expecting a miracle.
The miracle we got, was a DC character actually winning the final! I mean, let’s face it, we all know DC is pretty shit don’t we? Do I even need to keep reminding you of that fact?
Yours Truly and the lanky long-haired geek Andrew Roper were joint comperes for this season. Andrew actually getting off his lazy arse and making his way all the way from the Gold Coast to Perth to partake in the show.
All five heats (quite literally ‘heats’ in that often oven-like tent) were contested brilliantly. A few comedians made some pretty interesting choices for heroes too. Matt Price decided he would give Danger Mouse a go for one show and Jon Bennett’s Teen Wolf was an inspired choice. Almost as inspired as one of his fellow contestants trying to get him to chase a stick.
Matt Grey arguing for Groot whilst all the way through the show saying nothing but “I am Groot” was also an interesting angle.  Until the end of his set when he changed it slightly to “We are Groot”. Great stuff, or rather Groot stuff, but not enough to win on the day.
I have to say that the most obscure and quite amusing choice has to go to Xavier Toby who actually tried to argue a case for Papa Smurf. He lost. Big. Or is that small? And blue.
Nobody chose Batman by the way. Teen Wolf, Dangermouse, Papa Smurf, but no Batman. Just sayin’.
So, after all these shenanigans and more, we had a stellar line-up for the inaugural Australian Grand Final. And the line-up was thus:
Matt Price – The Flash
Sameena Zehra – Priya
James Nokise – Shazam
Matthew Giffen – Spider-Man
Marcus Ryan – Superman
And after a humdinger of a contest in the final, the winner was…..
SHAZAM!
Samoan New Zealander James Nokise took the honours with an extremely impassioned, funny and well-informed argument for his favourite superhero in Perth. No doubt helped by the fact that he had a Shazam lightning bolt with Samoan artwork in it emblazoned on his arm.
He smashed away Matt Price’s Flash, Sameena Zehra’s Priya and Marcus Ryan’s Superman.
Matthew Giffen’s vastly improved-upon-since-Edinburgh Spider-Man run him close when the voting came down to the last two, but in the end James’ Shazam was just too strong. Not even almost blinding Marcus Ryan with a close-range blast from his silly string web-shooter could ensure victory for Mr Giffen on this occasion.
It seems that even in Australia they love superheroes and the Battle of the Superhero show. Roll on Adelaide!

Nik Coppin

Rom-Com! – Nik Coppin

Rom? ROM!!!! Yes, Rom wins heat 4 of Battle of the Superheroes! Marvel’s biggest star Spider-Man and DC’s most famous female Wonder Woman were put to the sword by ROM, THE SPACEKNIGHT!

What an absolute travesty of justice! Matthew Giffen gave a great, if more straight-faced and pleading case for the wall-crawler and Cerys Nelmes sexed it up in full Wonder Woman costume, but Andrew Roper won by a landslide in what was the biggest victory thus far in the competition. Spidey and Wonders barely raised a clap, but the SpaceKnight received a rapturous round of applause from the 40-strong crowd.

Virtually showing her lady bits to the young Scottish lads in the front and flailing all over them as her set came to an end, and compere Nik Coppin (that’s me) donning a Spider-Man hooded onesie and carrying a cuddley big head Spidey for the show couldn’t not help get these two powerhouses even close to the line.

Roper had been previously blown out of the water by The Hulk in heat 3 representing Iron Man, but was ‘roper-ed’ in again after Eleanor Conway’s Iceman froze herself out. He chose a massive unknown character and his argument was both funny and informative as he made a superb case for a character that nobody in the audience knew at the start of the show.

So, it seems that the underdogs are taking the competition by storm thus far. Ben Clover and Hulk being the only proper combination of superhero and comedian to advance. Danny who took the Green Lantern through was not a comedian, R.S. Freshpea took through a beat copper with anger management issues and now Andrew Roper wins with A TOY!

Just what is happening in world of superheroes? Whatever it is, don’t ask DC Comics.

-–

Battle of the Superheroes is at the Free Festival Laughing Horse @ Espionage 5pm 11th, 12th, 18th, 19th and 25th Aug. FREE.

Hulk Socks It To ‘Em! – Nik Coppin

It seems all The Hulk’s trash talk was enough to put off his challengers, as Ben Clover stomped home winning heat 3 of The Battle of the Superheroes this evening.

A well-played, arrogant, knowledgeable Andrew Roper did his best for the weaponized-suited Iron Man, as did Hashem El Garhy with an impassioned – if not quite so well-informed – argument for (Irish?!) Captain America, but Ben Clover’s green sock puppet with beads for eyes and a high-pitched northern woman’s voice stole the honours.

Verily, ’twas a fun show, but there were a few more non-geeks in than in heats 1 and 2 for some indeterminable reason. And the younglings that were brought to an 16+ rated event probably learnt a few more expletives and expressions about iron cocks. The mechanized farmyard chicken variety, of course!

Tomorrow sees Marvel’s biggest gun The Amazing Spider-Man step up and take on DC’s Wonder Woman as well as at least one other to be confirmed. Another hero must rise up and take the place of Iceman who heard it was a ‘heat’ and cried off.

Battle of the Superheroes is at the Free Festival Laughing Horse @ Espionage 5pm 11th, 12th, 18th, 19th and 25th Aug. FREE.

Dredd-Full Show – Nik Coppin

Again, a Marvel heavyweight tripped and fell, but this time at the hurdle of better preparation and passion. Yes, The Not-So-Mighty Thor AKA, er, AK-47 (Saif Al Taii Abu-Kandil) stepped into the arena with a lacklustre ill-prepared performance for round 2 of the Battle of the Superheroes show.

Tipped by many of the geek-laden audience at the start of the show, The ‘Thunder’ God was more of a light lazy drizzle as Mike Belgrave turned in a well-informed, high-energy and dare I say it, funny case for Judge Dredd to steal the honours. Yes, we all know that technically he’s not really a superhero, rather a policeman with anger management issues. But the Illuminati decided he was eligible, so he was allowed in. And boy did the Judge do the show justice. He was the law!

To be fair, he wasn’t far off losing to an eye-opening performance from Cyclops represented by passionate and hilarious Kiwi Card & Joke Ninja, Javier Jarquin and a surprisingly adept presentation from Rik Carranza for Aquaman. Laughed at by all of us and many of the crowd, Aquaman rode the tidal wave of ridicule to give dour lawman Judge Dredd and X-Men leader Cyclops a run for their money.

It seems that Aquaman can talk to an audience as well as he can talk to the fishes. Maybe next year we will pit him against Dr Doolittle? He talks to the animals too, you know.

So, a non-comedian and non-superhero advance, while yet another popular Marvel character falls by the wayside. It seems that they can make films, but they can’t make the final of Battle of the Superheroes.

Will their other big guns Spider-Man, The Hulk, Iron Man and Captain America fare better next week? We will have to wait and see. We also have DC superpowers Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman to enter the fray then too.

Judge Dredd Meme I am the law now shut your fat stupid mouth

-–

Battle of the Superheroes is at the Free Festival Laughing Horse @ Espionage 5pm 11th, 12th, 18th, 19th and 25th Aug. FREE.

Lantern Wins?! – Nik Coppin

Well, what a fun and extremely interesting debut Battle of the Superheroes show we had, with a very surprising victor.

In an amazing twist of fate, not only did the highly unfavoured Green Lantern (let’s face it, the movie was pants on toast) fend off Marvel heavyweight Wolverine and cult hero Daredevil, but as The Lantern has done in many comic books, he also did it by changing guises.

Let’s start with the story of Thor not making it for his slot at the show. The Thunder God, AKA Saif Al Taii Abu-Kandil had misread the start time information and was sitting in the Edinburgh Mosque when I called to find out where he was. Praying to the wrong God, mate! Odin, not Allah for this show!

Therefore, Australian kids entertainer Matt Grey stepped up to the plate to argue the case for Daredevil. Matt was due to make his case tomorrow, but had decided to turn up and watch the opening show.

Yes, people, a blind man could find the show, whereas a God could not!

So, back to the winner. The Green Lantern! I know, right?! I still can’t quite believe it! But even more so, when I tell you that the man representing GL himself, Aidan Goatley had to leave early to go and pick up his daughter, so we thought it would be a great idea to see if an audience member would like to step in and take Aidan’s place in the final argument battle section of the show.

After a heavy prod in the ribs from his friend that was unsubtle enough for all in the room to see, up stood ‘Danny’ from the crowd. A good-looking smooth-faced chap who was more than a match for the unshaven Wolverine and unsighted Daredevil and dare I say it, there was quite a bit of sexual tension between him and Chris Henry’s Wolvie. Get a room, guys!

When it came to the final vote, which Jamie McCarney and I put to an audience clapping and cheering sound-off, with Rob ‘The Adjudicator’ Deb deciding who won, Danny had amazingly beat the ‘professional’ competition and won it for The Green Lantern! Can he go all the way to the final and even win the whole competition? Or will we see him fall in the semi-final? We shall see!

Tomorrow’s second heat sees Cyclops v Thor v Aquaman v Judge Dredd. AKA Javier Jarquin v Saif Al Taii Abu-Kandil v Rik Carranza v Mike Belgrave.

See you soon, True Believers.

Excelsior!

Battle of the Superheroes is at the Free Festival Laughing Horse @ Espionage 5pm 11th, 12th, 18th, 19th and 25th Aug. FREE.

Battle of the Superheroes – Trash Talk! “Hulk Smash!” – Nik Coppin

The Battle drawers ever near as the date of the debut show approaches. And as a full line-up of Fringe comedians lie ready and waiting to do battle for their hero, tensions are running high and the anxiety is palpable.

And like with any big fight that is about to take place, the trash talk has begun! And who better to kick it off than Ben Clover in the shape of The Incredible Hulk! He’s weighed in with some damning vitriol towards his fellow superheroes.

I personally have always had a few choice words to say about the likes of Batman, Superman and Wolverine, but asked what he thought of his opponents in a recent press conference, he didn’t hold back. Here’s what he had to say:

“Thor is a borderline alcoholic with a magic hammer comfort-blanket and novelty drinking hat. Basically a drunken oddjob man. Also a Viking. Quick quiz: What two antisocial things are Vikings famous for?

Er….let’s not say live on air….

“Wolverine? A Lonely weirdo trying to make the best of his yucky fingernails. Pitiable”

I’m not sure even Wolvie can heal from this one!

“Green Lantern. Who? A traffic light masquerading as a superhero”

Just go….

“Daredevil? That fool is just a failed Daft Punk auditionee”

Hulk saw you coming, DD.

“Batman is just a psychopath billionaire turned hobbyist mental patient-puncher”

Dark.

“Cyclops? CYCLOPS?! Loser from Greek Myth with depth perception issues”

No short-sightedness from Hulk here. He certainly knows his Greek mythology.

“Aquaman? What is his thing even? Everyone is 90% water but this guy goes on and on about it”

Will Aquaman swim off to drown his sorrows after this damn-ing verdict. See what I did with the damn thing there? Damns hold water right, so, er, oh…..forget it.

“Leather Boy. I just assume this is Cow Man’s sidekick”

Made a mince-meat burger out of Leather Boy there.

“Judge Dredd is the very worst kind of pedant bastard copper. Wears a helmet to conceal his long lashes, watery eyes and horse-hair wig. The Justice Department clearly gave him an imbecile’s voice-activated gun and told him it was called ‘a Lawmaker’ because he couldn’t operate a basic toggle to switch between ammo types. This Desperate Dan chin-a-like is long overdue a disciplinary hearing and redployment to the evidence room.”

Plenty to say about bent coppers there, Hulk!

“Spider-Man, a dude who runs across the face of each of us while we’re sleeping 6-8 times a year, the pervert”

Will Spidey crawl back into his web after this comment?

“Captain America is sinister tool of the military-industrial complex, probably gave evidence at the McCarthy witch hunt hearings in the 50s”

Political. Did Captain America shoot JFK and start the Iraq war too?!

“Iron Man. Chemical symbol for iron is “Fe”, so really he’s “Fe-Man”, who we all know is He-Man transitioning to a new gender. And the best of luck to him as he does so”

Scientific. Well, Hulk is really a lab rat underneath it all, I guess.

“Hulk. I am the underdog everyman responding to an infuriating world. Also has the best catchphrases. “Hulk Smash” is a brand statement of unrivalled clarity. “Don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry” is passive aggression to gladden the heart of any Englishman”

Wow! He’s very sure of himself. No grass on this greenery.

“Superman. An alien of near limitless power and unlimited dullness. He didn’t have to wear a cape, He chose to. Obviously insecure also. “I have to wear a suit with an ‘S’ on it, so everyone knows I’m super” he whimpered, to himself in his lonely polar ice-bedroom”

Oooh, knock-out blow for Supes there in the battle of the big punchers?

“Ice Man. One half of the sexual tension with Tom Cruise in Top Gun”

Cold. And a little bit gay.

“And last, but not least for now, Wonder Woman. She is just a glorified PE teacher/Rodeo novelty act”

I think he fancies her and wants to ride her like a rodeo bull meslef.

Tough talk from the green behemoth there! But I guess if you are as wide as a bus with muscles coming out of every orifice and can bench-press oil tankers, then I guess you can say what you want.

HUUUUUULK, SMASH!!!!

Let’s see what the other heroes come up in the days leading up to the ‘Battle of the Superheroes’ show. In the meantime, it’s back over to you in the studio….

—-

Battle of the Super Heroes Edinburgh Fringe 2014

 

Battle of the Superheroes – The Great Superhero Debate will take place at the Espionage venue, in the Mata Hari space on August 4, 5, 11, 12, 18, 19 and 24.

The show starts at 5pm and runs for 60 minutes.

Let The Battle Begin – Nik Coppin

And so it begins. The show to end all shows. Or at least to end the age-old debate about who is the best superhero.

For far too long I’ve had to listen to fools tell me that Wolverine would beat Spider-Man in a fight. Absolute nonsense. With his far superior strength and speed, as well as a Spider Sense and long range weapons, Spider-Man would dispatch of the short angry hairy one in no time at all, if the truth be told. That’s be a pretty boring comic book though to be honest.

But alas, ‘Battle of the Superheroes – The Great Superhero Debate’ isn’t all just about the powers of any given superhero, no, no, no. If that were the case, the coveted title would be contested by just a few. The likes of Superman and the Silver Surfer would always be in the final. And ther Silver Surfer would win, obviously. Marvel, innit? And he has cosmic powers to make anyone wet their pants. And he cares for the environment. Awww, so sweet.

But that is what we are getting at. The very essence of the show in many ways. We want to look at all aspects of any given superhero. The powers will obviously play a part, but more important is the character themselves. What do they stand for? Are they fun? What do they have to deal with in everyday life? How cool are they? How brave are they? What do they do for their families? Do they like puppies. And so on. Points will also be won for presentation and passion.

The show will be contested by a number of comedians at the Edinburgh Fringe in the Mata Hari space at the Espionage venue. It consist of four heats taking place on the 4th, 5th, 11th and 12th, followed by two semi finals on the 18th and 19th and culminating in a grand super final on 24th August and will be a mixture of stand-up comedy, interactive Q&A with the audience and some arguing between comedians. But most important, it will be loads of fun. As well as deadly serious! A bit like The Joker. Only he can’t enter, because he’s a villain. Terrible career choice move. No spot for you, laughing boy!

What more could you want from a show? Stand-up comedy, interaction and mass debating. Because let’s face it, who wouldn’t want to see a load of comedians mass debating live on stage?

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Battle of the Super Heroes Edinburgh Fringe 2014

 

Battle of the Superheroes – The Great Superhero Debate will take place at the Espionage venue, in the Mata Hari space on August 4, 5, 11, 12, 18, 19 and 24.

The show starts at 5pm and runs for 60 minutes.